Warning: This is probably extremely offensive to both sexes. Sorry, it’s just the way I feel.
As a young female in a professional role typically occupied by men (C.E.O.), in a male-dominated industry (web/software development and technology), it would be fair to say that in order to get through my day I have to be a bit mannish at times. I also work mostly with men on my staff, and I’d say 90-95% of our clientele and service providers are also male. Now, I’m not the type of feminist who feels the need to de-feminize herself to excel professionally in a “man’s world.” I do religiously wear pants and mundane colors to work, but trust me, I celebrate the sisterhood! There are times, however, when I have exchanges that leave me thinking, Holy Trump, where are your cojones? And why are mine bigger than yours?!
Moodiness, wishy-washiness, whininess and above all dramatics are all qualities that I have a hard time accepting in my male or female counterparts, especially when I’m the one with the triple progesterone levels on a daily basis. (Thanks, baby!) In fact when it comes to women, I realize that I may have even higher expectations for attitude, management and professionalism, because of my role and the responsibilities I carry with it.
It is certainly odd to think about gender roles in our particular professional environment. For all intents and purposes, I am “the man” at work. Decision-maker, bread-winner and even at times defender. And while I sometimes bring the boss mentality home with me, truly, I’m more than happy to come home to my two little babies who love me for being their mommy: the nurturer, meal-cooker and house-cleaner. The way going to work can save my sanity at times, coming home to my domestic role can do the exact same thing.
Not to mention husband hugs! After a horrific day of client negotiations or employee relations, I can’t put a price on that feeling. Having someone simply say that everything will be okay, and for a few minutes all logic and worry and strategy go out the window, and I believe him.
Is it normal to relish both? To swear like a sailor from 9-5, and say “poopy” and “Captain Huggy Face” from 5-9?
Back in high school I remember watching Searching for Debra Winger more than once and committing certain quotes to memory. This documentary directed by Rosanna Arquette highlights the pressures of women in Hollywood, both personally and professionally, through interviews with a myriad of well known actresses. One scene that has stayed with me to this day was with Salma Hayek, who basically said, woman are so lucky in this day and age because they can do it all. They can be the mother, and they can be the professional. They can do both.
Arguments can be made that it’s hard to do both well, but we certainly do try. I would like to think that sensitivity, compassion and humility paired with a good measure of decisiveness, aggressiveness and shrewdness make a winning mix for running the show at work and getting things done, but also being able to navigate difficult situations without too much ego when its needed. Even at home, as much as I’d love a break from decision making, sometimes I need to be the project manager and lead the way when my family can’t or won’t or just doesn’t feel like it. There is satisfaction in occupying both worlds, hoping at the end of the day that it makes you a better person.
You might even end up with cojones you didn’t know you had.
